ending my day

a healthy and relaxing jogging in the park,
a warm shower,
a hot cup of tea while caching up with my e-mails.

now my bed awaits :)

I realized I have been writing too rare lately...
I'm going to try and write more often.

sleep tight
:)

:)

yes...it's me... I'm still here :) I hope my blog hasn't found someone else since my last post :)

I feel strange, thinking about how to put my thoughts, experiences or ideas in this post...
you know...sometimes that's the beauty of all...that you can't express yourself in words... you can't define what you feel or why you feel it

I've passed through many stages in the last couple of months...
From being afraid of not losing the AIESEC train and so grabbing on any opportunity that came along, to feeling the need of unplugging myself from what has kept me alive in the last one year and a half...
From having my feet on the ground, to falling down, then getting up again...
From enjoying every second . . . to sleeping too much :)

Looking back at them...it's been fun :) A hell of a ride...

My biggest AHA, so to say, is that...
for the last year and a half I have lived AIESEC. And a critical thing that I forgot was... me ... to live my life.

What AIESEC has given me in this time is wonderful...it was exactly what I needed, and I will surely continue with AIESEC for a long time :)
but, the good part is :) that I got to the point when I can say that I'm glad I did not get that VP position :) It was the best time and the best way for me to stop living only AIESEC, and start living my life !

I will find that equilibrium which will help me be stronger...
because I found out it's a big difference between having a successful career and having a successful life.

Also, I'm still trying to find answers to where is the difference between pragmatism and dreaming...
realizing that I got very pragmatic I was scared that I might have lost the dreamer within me :) Luckily he's still here :) So I'm searching for a sensual and efficient mix between the two of them :)

What I love most is that...I feel like I got my freedom back...and I'm not thinking "time", but "spirit"...
There are no rules...there is no wrong or right...good or bad...
there's just...what you make of it...

we are all unique...and so are our perceptions

I had a very strange dream one night :) I remember staying in a white balcony with some people, discussing, and at one point I said :
" Each one of us is the sum of the experiences he has been through, and each small step we have made until now has taken us here, to this moment "...
then some waves of water came from outside the balcony...:)
I think that was the wisest dream I ever had :)
indeed...

Eh...it would take me too long to write about other things I have done lately
so I'll stop here.
I think I'm running out of ink too :)

...

looking up

just something short.

I'm happy...

I can't stop smiling since yesterday :)

I am aware now of the great friends I have. People that really care... You can not compare that with anything...it makes my heart grow...

I know I'm on the right track.
Different positions come and go... it's you and your dreams that stay.

I'm starting to build myself on the things I had going wrong, and explore and exploit the things I had going good.


great feelings...

weird , interesting feelings

I wanted to write a post a few days ago, regarding my condition... I wanted to write that I am OK, that I have passed over the "failure" of not being elected and that I got back on my feet.
Because I did.

The first 2 days were harder...I could not find my place in the house...it was very weird not having what to do, no phonecalls to make, no meetings to attend, no documents to look over. Also the first LC meeting was challenging...seeing the elected EB in front...I could not help being happy for them, yet could not help regreting that I was only watching them from the crowd.

But I learned to accept the situation. I have spotted the things that went wrong and the reasons why I was not elected...most of them involve my personal management. I had much to learn and it's time now that I integrate these things in my way of being and do better in the future.

I had to get together pretty fast, because opportunities were opening around me and I had to
decide which ones to take.
I've also made a sketch in my mind for my next year.
A position in the National Exchange Team (NEXT) and being Local Trainers Team Manager should make my year really challenging and fun. :)

Why do I feel weird now...?
Maybe because it's exactly a week from the results of the LCC :)
naah...that's not it.

Before the elections I was thinking about a big realization for me...and I am still thinking...it's about being in the MC.
One thing that you need to do before being in the MC, is to be a VP... this is one of the reasons I had a thought in my mind of applying next year as well for a VP position. In fact, I think that if I will be a VP next year I will be able to bring even more contribution to the people around me.

What feels weird about this is that now there is a new generation of people making their way up in the LC, having high dreams and setting challenging goals... I have the feeling that I would stand in their way. I feel like in a race...I stumbled and fell and now the chasing pack is running over me.

hmm...this analogy has given me new ideas.

What I should do now is to find my place in this chasing pack...run together with them, side by side, and maybe use my experience to set the running tempo. This would bring better results for the entire race.
Then, when the time will come again for electing the new leaders of the pack, we would all start from the same positions.

Interesting perspective... :) this is not the first time when writing my thoughts in this blog helps me solve some of my issues.

It's funny how many things can one person feel...
writing them down helps.

Reaching for your dreams can never be wrong...

learning the hard-way, from your mistakes, is more powerfull.

plannig your time is essential for performance.

hmm... Let's see what happens.
:)

Foooaaaie Verde CLUJ !

LC Cluj-Napoca.
what is there to say ?
Today was one of the most powerful experiences I've lived until now.

Not being elected for VP Communication.

I can't explain my feelings, but, I feel like, right now, I love this LC more then ever.
It's running through my veins. It's in my heart... in my body... and in my tears....

I love it because, because of the new EB... most of my closest friends are there. I am trully confident they will bring high performance for our people.
and I love it because of the great people inside it. All the hugs I received after the elections, all the beautiful words, the encouragements, the looks of every person, gave me a lot of self confidence for the future.

I also know that, because of these feelings, it's going to be damn hard for me to learn to accept this decision, to be able to go to LC meetings and have the best time, to hear about EB meetings, to see the EB going to conferences, learning and implementing new things, growing together... I could have been one of them.

I think the first step is to realise and be aware of this feeling :)

another challenge thrown in my path...

another day - a new challenge, another challenge - a new opportunity...

God, it was so hard when I went to the elected EB and wished them good luck ! I wished them to cherish this opportunity that they have, because not having it really hurts


I also know, and trully believe, that a kick in the back (ass) is just another step forward.
Maybe this opportunity was not the precise thing that I needed.
It was so interesting...after leaving the place where the "new EB party" took place, after a nice walk I decided to take a taxi...in the taxi, the song that was playing was one of my favorites... (need a) "Love Generation" ... did the radio know ? :) Last time I heard it and actually "karaoked" on it was at LTS conference, after another difficult moment... :)

I know things will be great.

I know something the same or even higher will come up.

I am learning my lessons, building myself, searching for new doors to open.


Sometimes I feel like I have lost my loved one.


but it's not a loss, it's just a small quarrel :)


So, this is me...
A part of my puzzle fell down on the floor and got a little mixed up again.
but I can't wait to pick every piece up again and build them even more tighter.


This life of ours has misterious ways :) I know I will find mine.

Tzutzu Mic,
with a hurting heart, but a strong will
;)

uuf

I've made a bad habbit of writing less often...not good :)

what's been happening ?

exams...candidature preparations...application deadline... parents... a pile of things to do almost every day, half of LCC...

I've just noticed that I'm writing this post exactly one month after my last one...weird coincidence...

Today was a big day. The first day of LCC. One word to describe my presentation : nervouseness... the words spinning in my mouth and the little bit dizzy surrounding were witnesses :) Not proud about myself. Strange circumstances of events ended up in me sleeping for about 5 hours in the last 50...never done that before... unfortunatelly, bad timeing :)

Tomorrow, 2nd round, Matrix discussions...chance for me to make things right.

How do I feel ? Curiose, intrigued, optimistic, nervous, upset on myself and veeery anxious. I've been thinking about back-up options, and there would be some :) It's good to be prepared for everything.


Tomorrow, the moment of truth... will I or won't I ... will they or won't they ...

we will see...


a new day - a new opportunity

go to sleep now :)

It's up to me

Long time, no post :)

I found it very interesting these days, how much can you influence yourself... sounds wierd :)
Our bodies are like toys. Our feelings and our thoughts can be like toys...
We use these toys in our every-day life to achieve what we want.
I think, sometimes, even our hearts can be toys...we can fool our heart into careing for something or someone, or we can stop it from going to far. It can go the other way around too though...when we are the toy and our heart comes in control.

So, what does control these toys ? or who ? and how ?
We'll probably never know for sure...

How I see it, is that it's something from inside...deep inside...
It's your inner power, your inner will to go out there and make it happen. It's the thing that motivates you the most. Some may call it "personal vision"...maybe true...
One thing is for sure...when you have found this inner power for yourself, that's when it starts being up to you, when you really start building your road. Your toys are there to help you make it...

...just some thoughts that were "bothering" me to write them down :)

Historycal day today :)
We (the people running for EB) had to put our names on a list in order to start our preparation program. I was actually nervous before writing my name down :) Not because I was not sure, but because it was the final and official confirmation... I'm actually doing this :)
The start of a beautiful journey ( I hope:) ).

What bothers me these days is that I don't have the time to think about all the things that I want to do as a VP... the exam session is here and seems like it doesn't care about the people who run for EB :) Can't wait to break free of the exams and start planning my future and the future of LC Cluj...

I know It's up to me to do these things...
It's up to me to be the best I can be...
It's up to me not to give up and to find my way...
...to break free
...and be...me...